it's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Well hello, tiny Oh Henry bar. I'm not 100% sure you don't have gluten in you, but I am going to eat you anyways.

Just handed some candy out to a group of fifteen year old girls dressed as small prostitutes. While I sort of feel like if you're old enough for daily-wear fishnets, you're too old for Trick-or-Treating, there is a very real possibility these girls were drunk or on cough drops. And I might be super old, but far be it for me to deny someone that experience. Girls high on cough syrup need candy more than any other candy-needing group.

Sometimes I'm amazed I made it though my teenage years alive.

happiness is

I love it when Campbell's tomato soup comes straight out of the can in one smooth movement. This is one of those things I feel like I have no control over but which thrills me nonetheless, like catching a late bus or successfully locating a Chapstick in my purse or finding a bunch of tiny raccoon babies in the backyard. (Clearly, I am not a homeowner.)

What up, lunch.

in which I am the most attractive ever

Plans for this beautiful rainy day included hanging out with my biffle Pearl and finally going to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Instead, I found out I have pink eye. Life is so full of surprises. And eye infections.

In related disgusting news, I am fairly certain I'm gluten intolerant. In order to test this hypothesis/take some shred of responsibility for my own life, I've decided to give up gluten for a few weeks. I keep saying I'm going to do this and am generally successful for about three hours until I black out and wake up with my hand inside a loaf of bread. I'm being only slightly hyperbolic about this. Most recent experience was Wednesday, when I was mentally congratulating myself on doing so well until I looked down at the plastic bag on my kitchen counter and realized that I was in the process of chewing a cracker. Fail. But I'm serious this time! If I announce it on the internet, I have to succeed, right?

you wanna let's do it?

In a brilliant stroke of luck this morning, my cataloguing class was cancelled and I came home early to find that PAULA DEEN WAS ON! This was totally badass because I haven't watched Paula Deen in forever. Today she was preparing snack foods for a Girls' Night with her friend Susan whose face did not move. They made parfaits and some kind of shortcake and then they tap-danced. They tap-danced!

This is obviously not surprising because we all know how Paula rolls, but I was vaguely horrified at how much honey she thought needed to go on "plain vanilla yogurt" in order to make it edible. Plain yogurt is not vanilla-flavoured, Paula. It's just yogurt-flavoured. When the episode was over, I was left with a burning desire to go exercycle for a thousand years. I'm pretty sure there are calories involved in even just watching Paula Deen.

In honour of all this, I thought I would share my favourite Paula moment. The internet has probably already called this clip to your attention, but you can never have too much Paula Deen. Or too much lasagna sandwich.

I love this shameless lady.

distressing

This is probably in poor taste.

Hmm. Am vaguely concerned about today's stomach-ache after this recall of my favourite noontime cereal:

less-than-good news

This may pose a serious problem in my long-standing love-affair with Mini-Wheats.