"Paul has Nutella," I thought. "I should totally do this."
Except Paul's jar of Nutella was only about halfway finished...and thus began a mission. For the last three weeks, I have been eating jar-Nutella by the tablespoon. This is somewhat distressing on its own, I realize, but it's especially hilarious as a relationship-comfort-level barometer: back in August, Pearl, having stayed overnight at Paul's and hungry while we slept in, helped herself to some Nutella-on-toast. I was all, "Oh my God you ate his Nutella? Jealous, Nutella is delicious," and she was like, "Umm, well, he has some, so...lucky you?" and I was like, "Oh God no, I feel like he would judge me for eating Nutella." Pearl was both confused, because Paul owned the Nutella, and offended, because she had just eaten the Nutella. But I'm insecure about both my food intake and my personal relationships, so my comments on either topic rarely make logical sense. However, now that we've been dating a year and a half, I apparently have no qualms about making a project out of depleting Paul's Nutella reserves several tablespoons at a time. (Paul, to his credit, has been very supportive of this endeavor.)
Tonight, it was finally time.
Basically, in case you're hazy as to how this works, Step One is to eat almost all your Nutella. Below, you will see streaks where I dragged my spoon through hazelnut gold, creating tiny little chocolate tracks:
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| Well hello. |
Step Two involves filling the container with ice cream. There's a lot of flexibility to this step, so feel free to make it your own. I chose vanilla because I'm a traditionalist, but you could totally use something with a ripple of some sort or even lactose-free if you are so inclined. This is a brand new frontier and there are no rules. Use frozen yogurt, seriously, it's your life.
And finally, Step Three: lose any last semblance of pride while your boyfriend takes photos of you. Give no shits, because you are eating ice cream out of a motherf*cking Nutella jar and it is both delicious AND efficient.
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| This is probably going to be what comes up from now on when you Google me. |
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
