in which Tessa and her mom kick some ass; strip some screws

Although I am neither twelve years old nor a first-year university student, I recently decided to downgrade to a twin bed. Paul has a pillow-top mattress and I guess he's cute enough, so I haven't actually slept at home since June. Meanwhile, my double bed takes up a lot of valuable bedroom real estate for something that isn't even being used. Thus, in the interest of finally having enough space for two dressers and two bookshelves, my long-suffering mom and I trekked over to IKEA last week; today, we built a Brimnes.

HOW TO BUILD YOUR BRAND-NEW IKEA BED

What could possibly go wrong?!

1. Print off 32-page instruction booklet.
2. Open boxes.
3. Build outer shell of bed frame.
4. Congratulate selves on ability to understand wordless IKEA diagram despite neither of you having the requisite penis and testicles.
5. Having completed the frame, begin to construct drawers.
6. Use screw number 100372 to attach metal track to drawer case.
7. Express surprise at unwillingness of screw number 100372 to move easily into its new home.
8. Push down on screwdriver with increased pressure.
9. Experience shoulder pain. Realize there are another ten screws to go.
10. Also realize that you are stripping the screws.
11. Wonder if boyfriend has electric screwdriver? Call boyfriend.
12. Boyfriend asks if you are using a Phillips-head screwdriver to put in your IKEA screws. You obviously are. 
13. Boyfriend, with weird, preternatural, ostensibly penis-stemming knowledge explains that this is a common mistake made by IKEA customers while they build their shitty IKEA furniture. Learn that IKEA generally provides screws with unusual Pozidriv head which unfortunately looks almost exactly like a Phillips-head.
14. Watch as boyfriend pries screws out of bed frame with a pair of pliers.
15. Send boyfriend home. Use newly loaned Pozidriv screwdriver to put in more screws.
16. Strip the hell out of these screws, too.
17. Throw hands up in air.
18. Send loved one to IKEA store to find extra 100372 and 102138 screws.
19. Learn that IKEA doesn't actually have any extra 100372 screws in their giant effing magical giant new giant IKEA, but will order some that should arrive in five to ten business days.
20. Enjoy your new bed!

Much like the last 93 nights, I will be sleeping at Paul's tonight.